Category Archives: the hills

The dress that all the Hollywood skanks are wearing…

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If you think you’ve been seeing the same little black dress on all the Hollywood skanks lately, that’s because you’re right. In the past few weeks, Heather Graham, Heidi Montag-Pratt, Kristin Cavallari, and now Doutzen Kroes were seen around town sporting a skintight short LBD with cutout holes on the front and back that seems to be preferred by sexy celebs. So what exactly is the attraction of this dress that everyone seems to want to wear this? In a town where it’s almost taboo to be photographed wearing an outfit worn by someone else for fear of the constant “Who wore it best” comparisons, these ladies seem to throw caution to the wind and risk being subject to ridicule.

The dress, designed by renowned designer Herve Leger, known for creating form-fitting, can’t-hardly-breathe silhouettes is probably celebrating his latest creation when it has been  worn by four different stars. The Hangover star Heather Graham first wore the dress for a foreign premiere of that film. Shortly after Heidi Montag-Pratt was seen wearing the same outfit. A few days (yes, DAYS) after, her The Hills co-star Kristin Cavallari attended some Wizard of Oz event wearing the same outfit. And now, Dutch supermodel Doutzen Kroes has been photographed in the exact same dress. So it truly is a case of deja-deja-deja-deja-vu, ain’t it? How could a dress that looks like it was a bargain basement design from the 1980s have so much appeal?

Well, I guess the answer is simple: skank is the new black. That’s the only explanation I can come up with as to why this dress is so popular. I mean, you could probably see the exact same outfit worn by streetwalkers along Hollywood Boulevard any night of the week. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s where Herve himself got inspiration for the dress. It isn’t very form-flaterring, in my opinion looks cheaply-made, and like I said, looks very very skanky. And yet, everyone is wearing it. Mark my words, in a future premiere or red carpet event, expect Sacha Baron Cohen’s creation Bruno to wear this dress. In fact, if he is reading this, I dare him to do it. I am sure he would. See more Hollywood celebs in oops moments right here.

Kim Kardashian gives Heidi Montag advice on Playboy

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Having appeared naked as the day she was born (because apparently, she was born with a string of pearls), Kim Kardashian knows what it’s like to pose for skin magazine Playboy. She did a pictorial back in 2007 as a ratings booster for her then-brand new reality show Keeping Up With The Kardashians, and true enough a lot of people tuned in to that episode and eventually ensured the success of future seasons of the show. The pictorial did not only boost ratings for the reality program, but the magazine almost made Kim a superstar sex-symbol post-sex tape. And now, even though she has no sex tape and has a successful (albeit totally irritating) reality show to her credit, Heidi Montag is going to appear in the magazine as well despite early reservations about doing the shoot. And since Kim and Heidi are such good friends (yes, I am being sarcastic), Kim was more than happy to give Heidi some advice.

Her words of wisdom to Heidi? “Go for it. I think that now’s the time,  think it’s a very classy magazine. It’s artsy. I talked her through the whole process and helped her make up her mind.” 31 words from Miss Big Ass herself and Blondie Bitch is gonna take her clothes off for a magazine. Kim should become a spiritual guru or something with her powers of persuasion. To convince a self-confessed Jesus Freak to drop trou for a magazine where billions of horny maniacs will jack-off to her is nothing short of impressive. She should be a diplomat too, convince warring states and countries to stop fighting by simply spouting “We are all brothers and sisters and we should all just love each other” and pout while wearing a very low cut dress. George W. Bush would have ended his war in Afghanistan long ago if he sent, not millions of US soldiers, but Kim Kardashian.

So, we can look forward to seeing Heidi’s plastic rack and surgically enhanced body and face in an upcoming Playboy issue. But according to Heidi, she isn’t planning on showing anything. No nipples, no ass, and certainly no pussy. Those things are reserved for her husband and God’s eyes only. But I think that it Kim convinces her a bit more, she might even jump from Playboy and do a full-on hardcore sticking-things-in-her-cunt Hustler issue. Who knows, Kim Kardashian might be just that good. Until then, check out this place to see some pretty interesting (read: Hot) pics of Heidi, Kim, and a bunch of other hot Hollywood celebs.

Paris Hilton is single again. God help us all!

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What Paris Hilton wants, Paris Hilton gets. And what Paris Hilton doesn’t want, her publicist gets rid of for her. Yup, that seems to be the slutty heiress’s motto when it comes to dumping the men in her life. It’s confirmed that Paris has split-up with boyfriend/lapdog, The Hills “actor” Doug Reinhardt and she asked her publicist to do the dumping for her. Apparently Paris doesn’t like confrontations. A spokesperson from Paris’ camp told People.com, “In response to the enquiry on whether Paris Hilton has split up with Doug Reinhardt, yes, this is true they are no longer together. They remain friends and ask that you please respect their privacy.” So when reporters approached Doug for a comment, he idiotically said “No, that’s not true. Everything is OK between us.” I guess he doesn’t read the news. Yup, to read in the news, along with everyone else, that your relationship is over, well that’s gotta be a new low point for Paris. Just when I was starting to like her… okay that’s a lie. I never liked her.

The break-up comes as a surprise to many (including, I’m sure, to Doug himself) since for months and months while they were dating, Paris constantly barked about Doug as being the one. Talk of having kids was even thrown around. But alas, like I’ve said a million times – nothing is forever in Hollywood. No one seemed more surprised about the break-up than Doug’s co-star and one-time flame Lauren Conrad who had nothing but good things to say about Doug’s easy-going demeanor, even though that may have been the cause of the break-up. She further gushes “Doug’s pretty awesome. We dated my senior year of high school – he moved back and then it was like, ‘Oh, we’ll pick up where we left off’”. She also says that Doug is never in charge of a relationship and just likes to “have fun. That’s all that matters.”

It’s still pretty unclear what the real cause of Paris and Doug’s break-up is, but Paris is wasting no time. Yup, she’s already been seen following around futballer of the moment Christian Ronaldo, even spending a few nights together. But if you believe the incessant rumors about Christian, he probably just wants to spend the night in her shoe closet. But if it is indeed true that the two are seeing each other, that must be such a blow to Doug. I mean, come on, let the sheets cool down a bit before you invite someone new in. But then again, once a ho, always a ho. And it’s pretty hard to get back at Paris. Release nude pictures? Happened. Leak a sex video? Old news. Send her to prison? Hello!? Paris has got absolutely nothing to lose, ergo she can fuck anyone, and fuck with anyone as well. Lifestyles of the Rich and Bitchy. See more of this type of Hollywood bad behavior right here.

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt got married. Let the “reality” continue.

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So “reality” television’s “hottest” pair got hitched this past weekend. Big wup! Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt decided to officialize their douchy-ness under the eyes of God and all their Z-list friends when they tied the knot (no, not around each other’s necks) in a little ceremony that nobody seemed to care all that much about. It seems that the fire of “Speidi” has finally died down, and people have decided that there are much more important things going on in the world than what these two bozos are doing. I’m not just being a jerk here: I have proof that nobody cares.

First of all, it’s been known for months that the whole wedding was a mere publicity stunt as part of their show The Hills. Sure the couple have been “dating” for quite some time now, however scripted their relationship may seem. So it’s strange to think that they were even allowed to get hitched. Don’t they investigate this sort of stuff? The whole fuckery’s got FAKE written all over it. And for what? A few ratings points? It’s sad but… and I don’t wanna get political here, but gays and lesbians are fighting for their right to get married, and these two do it for fun? Come on! Well, whatever shitty plan the producers and Speidi had in mind didn’t work.

For one, no one was even interested in the wedding photos. The big magazines wouldn’t even touch it with a ten-foot pole. It didn’t help that the douchy-duo were asking for a buttload of money for them, and all the newspapers and magazines just laughed their asses off. After all, with all the paparazzi covering every inch of the shitty event, they’re all ‘net bound and downloadable for free. Those rags could just steal those instead of bowing to the will of Speidi.

So, why exactly am I wasting my time writing about this? Well, because at the end of the day, these two are still news. And while their marriage might be headed for a disaster larger than the Hindenburg, we will wait with bated breath for that eventuality where we can all say in unison “I TOLD YOU SO!” And of course, to revel at the fake plastic glory of Heidi Montag, just like the stuff you’ll find here. Plastic, shiny goodness from your favorite Hollywood celebs.

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt splitting up to make money and ratings

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Just when you thought fame-hungry sluts Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt couldn’t get any more desperate for attention, another bit of “news” concerning the couple has just been released to the press. They’re breaking up. And before all you boning-for-Heidi dudes start cheering in your cubicles or bedrooms because she’s finally gonna be single – HOLD ON. The news just gets shittier.

According to sources, the break-up is all part of a publicity stunt/plot point for the next season of The Hills, where producers are scared of a huge ratings drop since Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge will be MIA by then. So, the producers of the “reality” show are now “scripting” a break-up, complete with mad press coverage, front-page tabloid exclusives, a long drawn-out late night talk show appearance period, and then the inevitable reunion where the beautiful couple will most probably cover People Magazine or Us Weekly with the headline “Together Again”. I don’t know about you, but this shit is pissing me off!!!

First of all, how stupid do these people think we are? Everyone knows that The Hills is far from reality. It’s about as real as Heidi’s tits. So to do something like this for what, ratings, is clearly just a means of trying to be talked about and making money for Heidi, Spencer, and MTV Networks. Are they that hard-up for storylines that they have to resort to this? Clearly they are.

Now that the planned break-up has broken out in the media, I wonder if the dynamic dud duo will still push through. A part of me wishes they do, just to see this whole charade come tumbling down on their empty skulls and make a fool of everyone. Just like the stars over here, doing some crazy-ass shit that we can all enjoy.