It’s been a while since Jennifer Aniston’s twat has been sprinkled with semen and so it seems that now she’s desperate enough to get some peen, even that of Twitter-lover, ex-boyfriend John Mayer. Yup, after rumors of trying to get back together with ex-husband Brad Pitt, and midnight hook-ups with 300 star Gerard Butler, Jen is getting tired of the single life and would just like a quick fuck. So I guess she ain’t getting none from the two other dudes and she’ll just have to settle for limp-dicked “musician” John who she’s supposedly been texting and calling while drunk on her ass. Reports say that while filming her new shitty comedy The Baster, Jennifer has gotten lonelier and sadder, prompting the drunk-dialing that occurs. And while Gerard is off slaughtering people in his new movie and Brad has Angelina’s hawkeye on him all the time, the only guy that’s available to her is poor little mankini-wearing John. Yes, the guy that dumped her over Twitter. That John Mayer.
Is this what the world is coming to? What does it mean for the rest of us when a semi-attractive single 40-year old woman with a vibrant career and a desire to stay relevant despite her old age has to stoop down to get some peen? It seems like we’re not the only ones disgusted by this behavior. Jen’s loyal friend from Friends Courteney Cox-Arquette has hit her over the head since finding out about Jen’s late-night desperation. Courteney and John never got along when Jen and John were still dating and gave a blood offering to the gods when the two finally broke up. And now, Jennifer has the gall to say something like “I act from the heart, and if I lose some friends for wanting to get with John, then so be it.” Okay, bitch needs to listen to her sensible cougar friend and get a major reality check. Short-term hook-ups with major douchebags will go nowhere. Jen should take a cue from Courteney and grow up, act her age (no more of these playing starry-eyed twentysomethings looking for love in the big city crap), and get serious.
If Jen is so hungry for some cock, she should just go out and hire a stripper, or call boy. Or, heck any one of those vibrant young up-and-coming actors who are dying to get some ancient vadge would even do. Just put down the phone and step away from the Mayer. The last thing Jen wants to do is get a helping of a Mayer weiner, because she’ll be right back where she started. She’s already gotten a bit of respect for dumping that twat, she shouldn’t turn back now. Who knows Jen, you’re final fuck with John might end up on Twitter. Then you’ll be in deep shit. See more of your favorite stars get into some deep shit right here.
