Category Archives: spencer pratt

Heidi Montag appearing in Playboy NOT naked

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Now that she’s Mrs. Douchebag, Heidi Montag takes the next step to being even more of a skank than being married to Gonorrhea-peen Spencer Pratt – becoming a Playboy alum. Yup, the plastic-chested fame whore is in talks to appear in the magazine sometime this year. And yes, before you ask, she is asking for a buttload of money. Sources have approximated her request at half a million dollars. And that’s not even the fucked-up part. Heidi will only do the magazine “tastefully undressed”. Meaning? No nipple, no bush, no twat. Just boring-ass glamour shots you can pretty much see in a Victoria’s Secret billboard at the bus stop.

I don’t even know where to begin with this fuckery. She’s asking for HOW MUCH? Not even the top celebs in their heyday asked for that kind of money. And now, during a recession no less, she’s asking for half a million dollars for some lame pics? Playboy barely can recoup it’s investment with every issue because of lowered advertising revenue and dwindling sales and she has the gall to demand that amount? I mean, outside of the viewers of The Hills, no one knows who the fuck she is. And if they do manage to go “Oh, yeah I’ve heard of her”, they really don’t care enough to see her naked. It’s not like she’s a world-wide star who is instantly recognizable. I still mistake her for Cher.

And what is up with this whole “tastefully undressed” shit? What is the point of being in Playboy if you’re not going to at least show nipple. I can understand the reservations about showing labia, but tits are like the minimum requirement for appearing in Playboy. It’s an ADULT MEN’S MAGAZINE. Guys whack off to the pictures inside. It’s not a place to be modest. So either you strip for it or you don’t do it. Simple as that.

I do hope The Hef has more sense that to agree with this. He’ll defnitely get the raw end of the deal if he agrees to these crappy terms. But knowing that there are a lot of people out there who would love to see this happen, he just might say yes. Which will be the downfall of Playboy, if you ask me. They’ll never recover from this debacle. Ever. Hef and Co. should just stick to small town college girls or down-on-their luck celebs to feature in the magazine. They would be more than willing to strip naked for a chance to be a part of Playboy. And charge a lot less money at that. Kinda like the skanky Hollywood celebs you’ll find here. Eager and willing to do anything to stay in the spotlight.

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt got married. Let the “reality” continue.

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So “reality” television’s “hottest” pair got hitched this past weekend. Big wup! Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt decided to officialize their douchy-ness under the eyes of God and all their Z-list friends when they tied the knot (no, not around each other’s necks) in a little ceremony that nobody seemed to care all that much about. It seems that the fire of “Speidi” has finally died down, and people have decided that there are much more important things going on in the world than what these two bozos are doing. I’m not just being a jerk here: I have proof that nobody cares.

First of all, it’s been known for months that the whole wedding was a mere publicity stunt as part of their show The Hills. Sure the couple have been “dating” for quite some time now, however scripted their relationship may seem. So it’s strange to think that they were even allowed to get hitched. Don’t they investigate this sort of stuff? The whole fuckery’s got FAKE written all over it. And for what? A few ratings points? It’s sad but… and I don’t wanna get political here, but gays and lesbians are fighting for their right to get married, and these two do it for fun? Come on! Well, whatever shitty plan the producers and Speidi had in mind didn’t work.

For one, no one was even interested in the wedding photos. The big magazines wouldn’t even touch it with a ten-foot pole. It didn’t help that the douchy-duo were asking for a buttload of money for them, and all the newspapers and magazines just laughed their asses off. After all, with all the paparazzi covering every inch of the shitty event, they’re all ‘net bound and downloadable for free. Those rags could just steal those instead of bowing to the will of Speidi.

So, why exactly am I wasting my time writing about this? Well, because at the end of the day, these two are still news. And while their marriage might be headed for a disaster larger than the Hindenburg, we will wait with bated breath for that eventuality where we can all say in unison “I TOLD YOU SO!” And of course, to revel at the fake plastic glory of Heidi Montag, just like the stuff you’ll find here. Plastic, shiny goodness from your favorite Hollywood celebs.

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt splitting up to make money and ratings

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Just when you thought fame-hungry sluts Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt couldn’t get any more desperate for attention, another bit of “news” concerning the couple has just been released to the press. They’re breaking up. And before all you boning-for-Heidi dudes start cheering in your cubicles or bedrooms because she’s finally gonna be single – HOLD ON. The news just gets shittier.

According to sources, the break-up is all part of a publicity stunt/plot point for the next season of The Hills, where producers are scared of a huge ratings drop since Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge will be MIA by then. So, the producers of the “reality” show are now “scripting” a break-up, complete with mad press coverage, front-page tabloid exclusives, a long drawn-out late night talk show appearance period, and then the inevitable reunion where the beautiful couple will most probably cover People Magazine or Us Weekly with the headline “Together Again”. I don’t know about you, but this shit is pissing me off!!!

First of all, how stupid do these people think we are? Everyone knows that The Hills is far from reality. It’s about as real as Heidi’s tits. So to do something like this for what, ratings, is clearly just a means of trying to be talked about and making money for Heidi, Spencer, and MTV Networks. Are they that hard-up for storylines that they have to resort to this? Clearly they are.

Now that the planned break-up has broken out in the media, I wonder if the dynamic dud duo will still push through. A part of me wishes they do, just to see this whole charade come tumbling down on their empty skulls and make a fool of everyone. Just like the stars over here, doing some crazy-ass shit that we can all enjoy.