So “reality” television’s “hottest” pair got hitched this past weekend. Big wup! Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt decided to officialize their douchy-ness under the eyes of God and all their Z-list friends when they tied the knot (no, not around each other’s necks) in a little ceremony that nobody seemed to care all that much about. It seems that the fire of “Speidi” has finally died down, and people have decided that there are much more important things going on in the world than what these two bozos are doing. I’m not just being a jerk here: I have proof that nobody cares.

First of all, it’s been known for months that the whole wedding was a mere publicity stunt as part of their show The Hills. Sure the couple have been “dating” for quite some time now, however scripted their relationship may seem. So it’s strange to think that they were even allowed to get hitched. Don’t they investigate this sort of stuff? The whole fuckery’s got FAKE written all over it. And for what? A few ratings points? It’s sad but… and I don’t wanna get political here, but gays and lesbians are fighting for their right to get married, and these two do it for fun? Come on! Well, whatever shitty plan the producers and Speidi had in mind didn’t work.

For one, no one was even interested in the wedding photos. The big magazines wouldn’t even touch it with a ten-foot pole. It didn’t help that the douchy-duo were asking for a buttload of money for them, and all the newspapers and magazines just laughed their asses off. After all, with all the paparazzi covering every inch of the shitty event, they’re all ‘net bound and downloadable for free. Those rags could just steal those instead of bowing to the will of Speidi.

So, why exactly am I wasting my time writing about this? Well, because at the end of the day, these two are still news. And while their marriage might be headed for a disaster larger than the Hindenburg, we will wait with bated breath for that eventuality where we can all say in unison “I TOLD YOU SO!” And of course, to revel at the fake plastic glory of Heidi Montag, just like the stuff you’ll find here. Plastic, shiny goodness from your favorite Hollywood celebs.