Now that she’s Mrs. Douchebag, Heidi Montag takes the next step to being even more of a skank than being married to Gonorrhea-peen Spencer Pratt – becoming a Playboy alum. Yup, the plastic-chested fame whore is in talks to appear in the magazine sometime this year. And yes, before you ask, she is asking for a buttload of money. Sources have approximated her request at half a million dollars. And that’s not even the fucked-up part. Heidi will only do the magazine “tastefully undressed”. Meaning? No nipple, no bush, no twat. Just boring-ass glamour shots you can pretty much see in a Victoria’s Secret billboard at the bus stop.

I don’t even know where to begin with this fuckery. She’s asking for HOW MUCH? Not even the top celebs in their heyday asked for that kind of money. And now, during a recession no less, she’s asking for half a million dollars for some lame pics? Playboy barely can recoup it’s investment with every issue because of lowered advertising revenue and dwindling sales and she has the gall to demand that amount? I mean, outside of the viewers of The Hills, no one knows who the fuck she is. And if they do manage to go “Oh, yeah I’ve heard of her”, they really don’t care enough to see her naked. It’s not like she’s a world-wide star who is instantly recognizable. I still mistake her for Cher.

And what is up with this whole “tastefully undressed” shit? What is the point of being in Playboy if you’re not going to at least show nipple. I can understand the reservations about showing labia, but tits are like the minimum requirement for appearing in Playboy. It’s an ADULT MEN’S MAGAZINE. Guys whack off to the pictures inside. It’s not a place to be modest. So either you strip for it or you don’t do it. Simple as that.

I do hope The Hef has more sense that to agree with this. He’ll defnitely get the raw end of the deal if he agrees to these crappy terms. But knowing that there are a lot of people out there who would love to see this happen, he just might say yes. Which will be the downfall of Playboy, if you ask me. They’ll never recover from this debacle. Ever. Hef and Co. should just stick to small town college girls or down-on-their luck celebs to feature in the magazine. They would be more than willing to strip naked for a chance to be a part of Playboy. And charge a lot less money at that. Kinda like the skanky Hollywood celebs you’ll find here. Eager and willing to do anything to stay in the spotlight.