I haven’t heard from Jessica Simpson in weeks now, and I honestly hope that she’s alive. No, seriously, it’s true. After all the accidents and suicides that had happened to Hollywood stars, it makes you really think if a star’s in their right minds nowadays. Especially Jessica. Though, she isn’t always in her right mind, now she’s got to be guided and looked for because she’s nursing a broken heart. It makes you crazy you know, look at Britney Spears.

The last news I heard about Jessica was either she was too drunk at a party, or… she was to drunk after a party. See. These are the kinds of signals we should be watching out for. They resemble a Britney 2005 phenomenon. We wouldn’t want Jessica shaving her long blonde hair, right? Anyway, see more of Jessica by dropping by this place here, and yeah, look out for signs that she’s going crazy too.

I know we’ve all been making fun of Jessica Simpson since she started in the industry, but now I suggest that we stop. For a little while. So instead of laughing at her recurring dumb-titis, let’s pause for a while to watch her as she wallow in sorrow after she’s been discarded by her boyfriend of two years, Tony Romo. Sure, Jessica’s being seen publicly partying, but really, it cannot be mistaken what she’s feeling inside. Look at these pics, isn’t it obvious? She’s about to… vomit.

It’s the second time this week that she went partying and got drunk. The last time she got wasted was at Katsuya with her sister Ashlee Simpson. The second time was last night. She celebrated her best friend Ken Paves’s birthday at Beso in LA, and looked a little too drunk as she was escorted back to her car.

I don’t really care about Jess’s feelings, though. Why I want to pause and watch her drown in sorrow is because she copes by drinking and we all know that girls do the nasty naughty things when drunk. Plus, Jess is a blonde. And you know what they say, blondes are more fun. So, Jessica, it’s okay to drink in order to heal your broken heart. Just make sure you wear skimpy little outfits when you party, okay? So there. If you want more drunk pics of Jessica, go here.

Recently brokenhearted, Jessica Simpson shook off her sadness away by spending yesterday afternoon with her personal trainer and working out her, uhm, cholesterol-rich body. And no, I’m not saying she’s fat. No, I really don’t. So anyway, this is the first time she’s seen in public after her boyfriend of two years, Tono Romo, disposed her the night before her birthday. Shit, that’s gotta be fucking painful for Jessica’s head. She probably didn’t understand anything that happened that night.

Even Jessica’s family are keeping their eyes on her because they are afraid she might do a Britney Spears (and now, Mischa Barton) sooner or later. People Magazine reports that a family friend said, “The family used to have such faith in Jessica and they worried about Ashlee Simpson. Now they are fully confident in Ashlee’s choices and they worry most of their days about Jessica.“

This break-up is a good thing for Jessica. Well, for the past two years she has been complacent enough that someone still thinks she looks awesome even when she’s, uhm, weighing much much heavier, that she doesn’t care about her looks, life and career anymore. Now, I bet she’ll finally have the balls to stand up and look in a mirror. It’s been a long time since she moved. And well, see for herself the damage she has done to her once beautiful body, which by the way, you can check out here.

Now that she’s got the whole delusions of movie success out of her head, fatty Jessica Simpson is heading back to the small screen that made her famous in the first place. And before you start thinking she’ll be starring in a reality show based on her soaring weight gain and plummeting music and film career, think again. No. The idiotic blonde is set to star in the reality/documentary called The Price of Beauty, a program that features Jess going around the world and discovering the many shocking things women would do to make themselves beautiful. Basically every single Oprah episode on make-overs condensed into one frenetically-edited set to crappy pop music reality show featuring one of the widest asses in Hollywood today.

It’s still pretty unclear if Jess will shed the poundage before taking on the TV hosting duties, but what is clear is that she will apparently attempt some of the extreme beauty regimens she discovers herself. So it’s kinda like a cross between The Swan and Fear Factor with a bit of Animal Planet thrown in. You know, because the women would be dogs before their regimens and hot chicks after. Details are still under wraps about what exactly the show will contain, but one thing is for sure, you’re gonna have to sit through Jessica’s annoying nasal faux-Southern accent for 40 minutes every week while watching rich and deluded skanks nip, tuck, staple, stretch, exfoliate, and make-over themselves for the sake of vanity. I can’t think of a more exciting show to see.

In all seriousness, why is this woman still working? Scratch that. Why is this woman still relevant? It seems like since she debuted her hefty figure months ago, people have been clamoring for her disappearance. Yet the media still seems to embrace this Jabba. Vanity Fair covers (still not over that one), constant press coverage, and in-depth coverage of her attempts at weight loss are rampant on both TV and the net, and we just sit here and roll our eyes at this awfulness. It’s about time that we, as bloggers, come together and just basically ignore her to get it in her head that WE DON’T WANT TO SEE HER ANYMORE! But unfortunately, a lot of people still wanna see her. She has, after all, become the poster girl for hick-town middle America. You know, those women who waddle through the mall wearing the tiniest clothes and thinking their the shit, when in actuality they’re fat tubs of lard that should never be allowed out of the house. It’s people like Jessica that make fat people delusional. And delusion leads to the most embarassing situations. Kinda like the situations you’ll find right here.

Yup, she’s done it again. Jessica “You Call This Fat?!” Simpson is once again the topic of conversation by everyone in the blogverse for two things: One she lands on the cover of one of the most respected and renowned award-winning magazines on the planet - Vanity Fair, and two: she screams out the headline which I will use as her middle name from now on out of sheer hilarity. I can only imagine how someone of her z-list caliber end up on the cover of such an important magazine. Was Valerie Bertinelli unavailable? How about Suzanne Summers?

In the clearly digitally changed pictures on the cover and inside, she spews “wisdom” about accepting your body for what it is and not giving in to the media standards that plague everyone who shows just an ounce of extra flabbage. While I agree with that view to a certain extent, it pisses me off that she continues to call herself “normal size”. In the real world, yes. But in Hollywood, honey - she’s fat. Let’s just come right out an say it. Owning one’s size is a huge part of people’s perception of who one is. Celebs like Kirstie Alley, Delta Burke, even Scarlett Johansson have all owned their respective sizes and said they love how they look. So when someone as gargantuan as Jessica says she’s not fat, how are people supposed to take that shit seriously? It just adds more fuel to the ridicule. You know what they say - denial is not just a river in Egypt.

To add insult to this unbelievable circumstance, the magazine where all this fuckery is loacated in is one of the most respected publications in the entire world. A magazine where the essays contained within have won Pulitzers and Nobel prizes. Where the featured photographers are world-renowned and sought-after. And where intelligent people go to satiate their need for insightful commentary from everything from film to politics. So why would these people resort to the sort of tabloid journalism I would come to expect from something life Us Weekly? That is the big mystery surrounding this crap. Some say Daddy Simpson paid a lot of money for this to happen. Others say VF needs a bit of young readers to improve their circulation. I say Jessica gave every member of the magazine staff hummers and had all of them stick things in her ass. That would be the only explanation why this happened. Whatever the reason, it’s here and we just have to deal with it. Because that’s Hollywood for you. Crazy in every way. Just like the celebs you’ll find here - crazy in every way.

There are a lot of unflattering camera angles a person can be photographed in. Even stars have this problem, beautiful as they are. Ever since becoming an object of ridicule because of her noticeable weight-gain, the paps have been trying their best to find the worst possible picture angle for Jessica Simpson. And I do believe this intrepid photographer’s work has finally found it.

Yup, somehow, through careful maneuvering, this paparazzi has gotten some very unflattering pictures of Jess’ rather sizable behind. Yup, that’s her ass, hanging out in very very tight thong panties. Look closely and you see a hint of pussy lips just squeezing to get out. Seems like Ms. Simpson, despite her hefty bulk is not a fan of sensible underwear. I mean, she sported the granny jeans, so granny panties should be on the same order, right?

What really gets me thinking about these photos is the angle in which they were taken. It’s obviously an undershot, where the camera is positioned under the subject. So either the photographer was lying on the pavement and snapping away which kinda takes away the whole stalker-esque process of being a paparazzi, or the camera was dangling on one hand with the lens pointing up as they click away, hoping that the shots turn out well. Well, they did, and soon these pics will be the topic of conversation by bloggers everywhere.

Just goes to show that one should always wear the best clothing, both outer and underwear, because you’ll never know when and where (as in where on your body) you’ll get photographed. It’s a sobering reminder of what Momma used to tell us - always look your best. Famous people of all people should know this since they live in such close proximity to photographers and cameras and reporters. But every now and then, we get a great shot like this one, and we can bask in the fact that even celebs are not at all perfect. See more of those not-so-perfect moments right here, a site where Hollywood stars do not want you to go.

On the heels of the LiLo-SamRo break-up that’s buzzing up the blogsphere these days, Jessica Simpson has inadvertently gotten in on the action. Yes, she got dumped. No, not by Tony Romo (although I’m certain a few football fans are praying for that to happen) but by her record label. Due to unsuccessful sales and poor concert attendance (and the fact that she looks like a Goodyear blimp now), Columbia Nashville and Sony Music Nashville has dropped her from the label, most probably ending Jessica’s music career forever.

It’s such a shame considering Jessica’s entire musical career was with Sony Music. Her debut CD Sweet Kisses (which spawned the hit I Wanna Love You Forever) sold a lot of copies and pretty much made a lot of money for the label. But I guess that was like 4 or 5 albums ago. And Jessica’s decision to go from Pop to Country without a smidgen of authenticity didn’t really work out for either party. Dating a Texas team football player doesn’t really give you country music cred, Jess.

So now, with her weight still an issue, her relationship rumored to be on the rocks, and her film career in absentia - Jess looks to be heading for Britney-level crazy anytime soon. But not if Lindsay Lohan gets there first. I don’t really know how this whole thing will pan out for Jessica, but I’d advise her to get her butt moving, get in the best shape on her life, and go naked in Playboy. I promise you it’ll be a real career recharger. Tiffany and Debbie Gibson did it, and look where they are now! Oh, wait…

Take this chance to get hot again, Jess. Just like you were in the pics and videos I found here, a place where Hollywood stars do not want you to go.

Jessica Simpson was rushed to hospital at the end of March for what her reps claimed was a kidney infection. Turns out her problems were located more in the liver region. Because she was freaking housed! On top of that Jessica thought she was pregnant from all the drunk sex. … I love you. Star reports:

Jessica’s health problems were “brought on by drinking an obscene amount of alcohol,” says the source. “She was treated for a kidney infection, a bladder infection and a urinary tract infection.”
Adding to her distress, anxious Jessica asked doctors to give her a pregnancy test! “She was a nervous wreck,” says the insider. “She was three weeks late and convinced she was pregnant

After many blamed his girlfriend Jessica Simpson for his team’s loss last Sunday, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo overcame a sore thumb and taunting Carolina Panthers fans Saturday night and pulled out a victory.