Category Archives: heidi montag

Kristin Cavallari and that reality TV bitch

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They must put it as one of the wonders of the world why bitches like Kristin Cavallari, Lauren Conrad, and Heidi Montag are even talked about in Hollywood. Why am I talking about this shit, you ask? Exactly my point. The rise of reality TV has caught masses of people tuning in and talking about not-so-talented “actresses” and “actors” while those who have the talent aren’t given the spot on the limelight that they deserve.

Let’s focus on this Kristin cavallari bitch from MTV’s Laguna Beach. I heard that everybody hates her because she is the evil bitch on the show. Right, and everything isn’t scripted. Back to Kristin, she’s not even that gorgeous. Her looks just a simple, forgettable American girl turned star-wannabe. She’s not even interesting, so why the hell is she still here?

It’s obvious I’m not much of a fan of reality TV and most especially these Tv star-wannabes, but I know most of you aren’t too. So let’s start a revolution and boycott these kinds of crap from our precious TV sets. It’s time to annihilate reality TV, as well as Kristin Cavallari and that other Hollywood skanks and all the scandals and crap they’ve been making which, by the way, you can catch here.

The dress that all the Hollywood skanks are wearing…

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If you think you’ve been seeing the same little black dress on all the Hollywood skanks lately, that’s because you’re right. In the past few weeks, Heather Graham, Heidi Montag-Pratt, Kristin Cavallari, and now Doutzen Kroes were seen around town sporting a skintight short LBD with cutout holes on the front and back that seems to be preferred by sexy celebs. So what exactly is the attraction of this dress that everyone seems to want to wear this? In a town where it’s almost taboo to be photographed wearing an outfit worn by someone else for fear of the constant “Who wore it best” comparisons, these ladies seem to throw caution to the wind and risk being subject to ridicule.

The dress, designed by renowned designer Herve Leger, known for creating form-fitting, can’t-hardly-breathe silhouettes is probably celebrating his latest creation when it has been  worn by four different stars. The Hangover star Heather Graham first wore the dress for a foreign premiere of that film. Shortly after Heidi Montag-Pratt was seen wearing the same outfit. A few days (yes, DAYS) after, her The Hills co-star Kristin Cavallari attended some Wizard of Oz event wearing the same outfit. And now, Dutch supermodel Doutzen Kroes has been photographed in the exact same dress. So it truly is a case of deja-deja-deja-deja-vu, ain’t it? How could a dress that looks like it was a bargain basement design from the 1980s have so much appeal?

Well, I guess the answer is simple: skank is the new black. That’s the only explanation I can come up with as to why this dress is so popular. I mean, you could probably see the exact same outfit worn by streetwalkers along Hollywood Boulevard any night of the week. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s where Herve himself got inspiration for the dress. It isn’t very form-flaterring, in my opinion looks cheaply-made, and like I said, looks very very skanky. And yet, everyone is wearing it. Mark my words, in a future premiere or red carpet event, expect Sacha Baron Cohen’s creation Bruno to wear this dress. In fact, if he is reading this, I dare him to do it. I am sure he would. See more Hollywood celebs in oops moments right here.

Kim Kardashian gives Heidi Montag advice on Playboy

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Having appeared naked as the day she was born (because apparently, she was born with a string of pearls), Kim Kardashian knows what it’s like to pose for skin magazine Playboy. She did a pictorial back in 2007 as a ratings booster for her then-brand new reality show Keeping Up With The Kardashians, and true enough a lot of people tuned in to that episode and eventually ensured the success of future seasons of the show. The pictorial did not only boost ratings for the reality program, but the magazine almost made Kim a superstar sex-symbol post-sex tape. And now, even though she has no sex tape and has a successful (albeit totally irritating) reality show to her credit, Heidi Montag is going to appear in the magazine as well despite early reservations about doing the shoot. And since Kim and Heidi are such good friends (yes, I am being sarcastic), Kim was more than happy to give Heidi some advice.

Her words of wisdom to Heidi? “Go for it. I think that now’s the time,  think it’s a very classy magazine. It’s artsy. I talked her through the whole process and helped her make up her mind.” 31 words from Miss Big Ass herself and Blondie Bitch is gonna take her clothes off for a magazine. Kim should become a spiritual guru or something with her powers of persuasion. To convince a self-confessed Jesus Freak to drop trou for a magazine where billions of horny maniacs will jack-off to her is nothing short of impressive. She should be a diplomat too, convince warring states and countries to stop fighting by simply spouting “We are all brothers and sisters and we should all just love each other” and pout while wearing a very low cut dress. George W. Bush would have ended his war in Afghanistan long ago if he sent, not millions of US soldiers, but Kim Kardashian.

So, we can look forward to seeing Heidi’s plastic rack and surgically enhanced body and face in an upcoming Playboy issue. But according to Heidi, she isn’t planning on showing anything. No nipples, no ass, and certainly no pussy. Those things are reserved for her husband and God’s eyes only. But I think that it Kim convinces her a bit more, she might even jump from Playboy and do a full-on hardcore sticking-things-in-her-cunt Hustler issue. Who knows, Kim Kardashian might be just that good. Until then, check out this place to see some pretty interesting (read: Hot) pics of Heidi, Kim, and a bunch of other hot Hollywood celebs.

Heidi Montag appearing in Playboy NOT naked

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Now that she’s Mrs. Douchebag, Heidi Montag takes the next step to being even more of a skank than being married to Gonorrhea-peen Spencer Pratt – becoming a Playboy alum. Yup, the plastic-chested fame whore is in talks to appear in the magazine sometime this year. And yes, before you ask, she is asking for a buttload of money. Sources have approximated her request at half a million dollars. And that’s not even the fucked-up part. Heidi will only do the magazine “tastefully undressed”. Meaning? No nipple, no bush, no twat. Just boring-ass glamour shots you can pretty much see in a Victoria’s Secret billboard at the bus stop.

I don’t even know where to begin with this fuckery. She’s asking for HOW MUCH? Not even the top celebs in their heyday asked for that kind of money. And now, during a recession no less, she’s asking for half a million dollars for some lame pics? Playboy barely can recoup it’s investment with every issue because of lowered advertising revenue and dwindling sales and she has the gall to demand that amount? I mean, outside of the viewers of The Hills, no one knows who the fuck she is. And if they do manage to go “Oh, yeah I’ve heard of her”, they really don’t care enough to see her naked. It’s not like she’s a world-wide star who is instantly recognizable. I still mistake her for Cher.

And what is up with this whole “tastefully undressed” shit? What is the point of being in Playboy if you’re not going to at least show nipple. I can understand the reservations about showing labia, but tits are like the minimum requirement for appearing in Playboy. It’s an ADULT MEN’S MAGAZINE. Guys whack off to the pictures inside. It’s not a place to be modest. So either you strip for it or you don’t do it. Simple as that.

I do hope The Hef has more sense that to agree with this. He’ll defnitely get the raw end of the deal if he agrees to these crappy terms. But knowing that there are a lot of people out there who would love to see this happen, he just might say yes. Which will be the downfall of Playboy, if you ask me. They’ll never recover from this debacle. Ever. Hef and Co. should just stick to small town college girls or down-on-their luck celebs to feature in the magazine. They would be more than willing to strip naked for a chance to be a part of Playboy. And charge a lot less money at that. Kinda like the skanky Hollywood celebs you’ll find here. Eager and willing to do anything to stay in the spotlight.

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt got married. Let the “reality” continue.

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So “reality” television’s “hottest” pair got hitched this past weekend. Big wup! Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt decided to officialize their douchy-ness under the eyes of God and all their Z-list friends when they tied the knot (no, not around each other’s necks) in a little ceremony that nobody seemed to care all that much about. It seems that the fire of “Speidi” has finally died down, and people have decided that there are much more important things going on in the world than what these two bozos are doing. I’m not just being a jerk here: I have proof that nobody cares.

First of all, it’s been known for months that the whole wedding was a mere publicity stunt as part of their show The Hills. Sure the couple have been “dating” for quite some time now, however scripted their relationship may seem. So it’s strange to think that they were even allowed to get hitched. Don’t they investigate this sort of stuff? The whole fuckery’s got FAKE written all over it. And for what? A few ratings points? It’s sad but… and I don’t wanna get political here, but gays and lesbians are fighting for their right to get married, and these two do it for fun? Come on! Well, whatever shitty plan the producers and Speidi had in mind didn’t work.

For one, no one was even interested in the wedding photos. The big magazines wouldn’t even touch it with a ten-foot pole. It didn’t help that the douchy-duo were asking for a buttload of money for them, and all the newspapers and magazines just laughed their asses off. After all, with all the paparazzi covering every inch of the shitty event, they’re all ‘net bound and downloadable for free. Those rags could just steal those instead of bowing to the will of Speidi.

So, why exactly am I wasting my time writing about this? Well, because at the end of the day, these two are still news. And while their marriage might be headed for a disaster larger than the Hindenburg, we will wait with bated breath for that eventuality where we can all say in unison “I TOLD YOU SO!” And of course, to revel at the fake plastic glory of Heidi Montag, just like the stuff you’ll find here. Plastic, shiny goodness from your favorite Hollywood celebs.

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt splitting up to make money and ratings

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Just when you thought fame-hungry sluts Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt couldn’t get any more desperate for attention, another bit of “news” concerning the couple has just been released to the press. They’re breaking up. And before all you boning-for-Heidi dudes start cheering in your cubicles or bedrooms because she’s finally gonna be single – HOLD ON. The news just gets shittier.

According to sources, the break-up is all part of a publicity stunt/plot point for the next season of The Hills, where producers are scared of a huge ratings drop since Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge will be MIA by then. So, the producers of the “reality” show are now “scripting” a break-up, complete with mad press coverage, front-page tabloid exclusives, a long drawn-out late night talk show appearance period, and then the inevitable reunion where the beautiful couple will most probably cover People Magazine or Us Weekly with the headline “Together Again”. I don’t know about you, but this shit is pissing me off!!!

First of all, how stupid do these people think we are? Everyone knows that The Hills is far from reality. It’s about as real as Heidi’s tits. So to do something like this for what, ratings, is clearly just a means of trying to be talked about and making money for Heidi, Spencer, and MTV Networks. Are they that hard-up for storylines that they have to resort to this? Clearly they are.

Now that the planned break-up has broken out in the media, I wonder if the dynamic dud duo will still push through. A part of me wishes they do, just to see this whole charade come tumbling down on their empty skulls and make a fool of everyone. Just like the stars over here, doing some crazy-ass shit that we can all enjoy.