Category Archives: fat singer

Mariah Carey still thinks she can act – this time on stage!

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The woman who looked like she ate the marshmallow man is coming to a stage near you. Well, if you happen to live in London’s West End that is. Yes, Mariah Carey, the woman who is single-handedly responsible for the Hello Kitty shortage in the world is headed for the stage. Yes, you read that right. And we’re not talking Glitter: The Musical here. No no, she will be appearing in a legitimate West End play that she will be paid £15,000 a week for. That’s about 24,000 in US dollars. Chump change for Mimi, right? That’s probably how much she pays for shampoo in a week, maybe. So I guess she must really want this. And in London, no less?

Apparently, Mimi has always wanted to act on the stage. While in the UK promoting her new single, she talked to several stage producers about appearing in one of the local productions According to the Mirror UK, “Mariah has always wanted to star in a play so this really is a dream come true.” And get this – it was the producers of the yet-to-be-disclosed play that asked her to be in their production! “She was hugely flattered to have been asked and is determined to nail the part… she is pretty confident in her own abilities. Mariah’s done a bit of acting in her time but nothing on this scale.” And by scale, they’re not talking about her ever-expanding waistline. Or her boobs.

I’m guessing none of those producers has seen any of Mariah’s attempts at acting. Forget Glitter, how about her cameo in The Bachelor? Or the direct-to-video Wise Girls? Heck, you don’t even have to watch those movies for fear of losing your sanity, just watch some of her music videos where she attempts to act, like Honey or Heartbreaker. Camp to the M-A-X. But then again, maybe we’re jumping the gun here. We don’t even know what the production is. For all we know, the role is a self-obsessed, narcissistic, overly annoying perfectionist drag queen. In which case, she’d be playing herself. Except for the drag queen part. Although, I’m not really sure about that one either. 40 years old and never pregnant? Just sayin’… So we’ll be looking forward to this sure-to-be-atrocity on the London stage. Expect really old men who were alive during the time of Shakespeare to be picketing against this travesty to the theater outside on opening night. But again, she could prove us all wrong. After all, when Mimi sets her mind on something, she gets it done. See your favorite Hollywood stars get determined to get you hard right here.

Mariah Carey can eat you whole

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She went from stick-thin with no boobies when she started, then curvy with fake boobies towards the middle of her career, then big and busty with quarelling breasties a couple years back, slimmed down for her last album release that made a People Magazine cover, and now singer/actress/yo-yo dieter Mariah Carey is back to being a heffer. Yup, after asking people to Touch Her Body, it seems that now there is a lot more to touch. According to reports, in the midst of recording her next album (barfly entitled Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel) she has gained twenty pounds that people can clearly see from her many many photo ops and red carpet appearances. She now looks even more drag-a-licious than ever bordering on looking like a linebacker. But that’s not Mariah’s biggest concern right now.

She’s gotten a bit of bad luck with her movie career (or lack thereof) because her latest craptastic Tenesse made a mere seven hundred dollars in it’s opening weekend. Seven hundred! With the amount of money she spends on her Hello Kitty collection you’d think she would fork over a few thousand more to buy tickets to her own movie. Just like what Beyonce supposedly did for her movie Obsessed and ended up being the number one movie of that weekend. Mariah clearly doesn’t know how to get ahead in the movie business. That makes the fifth consecutive big-screen flop for Mariah. The Bachelor, Glitter, Wise Girls, and State Property 2 being her previous “films”. You would think she’d get a clue by now. She may have better luck with her next film, the Sundance-winning drama Push: Based on the Novel by Sapphire which will be released in November.

So while she’s packing on the pounds and making movies that flop, Mariah is still keeping busy with trying to make more radio-friendly music. Now that E=MC2 failed to reach expectations, she’s hoping her next release will bring her more luck. And for that, she knows she can’t be a fatty. So she’ll go on some kind of crash diet (read: diet pills) before the album is released so she’ll be airbrush-ready by the time it comes out. After all, it would be pretty difficult to photoshop an entire music video. And with the way she’s proud of her chi-chis, I doubt she’s want an entire vid where we just see her face. So let’s await the return of Mariah – bulimia and all. Until then, check out some hot Hollywood honeys doing dirty deeds right here.

Jessica Simpson gets dumped

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On the heels of the LiLo-SamRo break-up that’s buzzing up the blogsphere these days, Jessica Simpson has inadvertently gotten in on the action. Yes, she got dumped. No, not by Tony Romo (although I’m certain a few football fans are praying for that to happen) but by her record label. Due to unsuccessful sales and poor concert attendance (and the fact that she looks like a Goodyear blimp now), Columbia Nashville and Sony Music Nashville has dropped her from the label, most probably ending Jessica’s music career forever.

It’s such a shame considering Jessica’s entire musical career was with Sony Music. Her debut CD Sweet Kisses (which spawned the hit I Wanna Love You Forever) sold a lot of copies and pretty much made a lot of money for the label. But I guess that was like 4 or 5 albums ago. And Jessica’s decision to go from Pop to Country without a smidgen of authenticity didn’t really work out for either party. Dating a Texas team football player doesn’t really give you country music cred, Jess.

So now, with her weight still an issue, her relationship rumored to be on the rocks, and her film career in absentia – Jess looks to be heading for Britney-level crazy anytime soon. But not if Lindsay Lohan gets there first. I don’t really know how this whole thing will pan out for Jessica, but I’d advise her to get her butt moving, get in the best shape on her life, and go naked in Playboy. I promise you it’ll be a real career recharger. Tiffany and Debbie Gibson did it, and look where they are now! Oh, wait…

Take this chance to get hot again, Jess. Just like you were in the pics and videos I found here, a place where Hollywood stars do not want you to go.

Kelly Clarkson does a Jessica Simpson

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She’s always been somewhat thick, but lately Kelly Clarkson looks as big as a house. You’d think after getting a recent number 1 song and officially removing herself from possible has-been status she’d do her best to get camera-ready. But it looks like Kelly’s not gonna lift a finger, except maybe to scoop the next spoonful of food into her mouth.

She’s admitted on her blog that the picture on her single cover has been photoshopped to high heaven, making her barely unrecognizable. Of course she would be lying if she would claim that this would be the initial time her album cover has been digitally altered. Her My December album cover looks stretched to make her appear longer. And Breakaway clearly showed a lack of pores, so that’s been photoshopped as well.

What’s strange about this whole scenario is that Kelly Clarkson has been asked to speak at a Dove Soap seminar on accepting who you are. While I applaud Kelly’s insistence on not shedding a single pound for the sake of her career (however disgusting she may look), it seems a bit hypocritical to spout self-accepting dogma when clearly one works in an industry where image is everything.

So maybe Kelly is content with who she is, but I’ll come out and say it: I’m not! Who in their right mind would be happy with themselves being broadcast into millions of homes looking like this? There’s gotta be a few things Kelly can do to get a bit more sexiness. Pilates? Yoga? Wii Sport? Anything! Ya gotta really slim down, Kelly, and do that FHM or Maxim shoot were all dying to see you do. ‘Cause at the rate you’re going, the only magazine you’ll be posing for is Beef Magazine (yes, there is such a magazine!)

Find out more Hollywood scandals and gossip over here!