Category Archives: fake boobs

Heidi Montag appearing in Playboy NOT naked

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Now that she’s Mrs. Douchebag, Heidi Montag takes the next step to being even more of a skank than being married to Gonorrhea-peen Spencer Pratt – becoming a Playboy alum. Yup, the plastic-chested fame whore is in talks to appear in the magazine sometime this year. And yes, before you ask, she is asking for a buttload of money. Sources have approximated her request at half a million dollars. And that’s not even the fucked-up part. Heidi will only do the magazine “tastefully undressed”. Meaning? No nipple, no bush, no twat. Just boring-ass glamour shots you can pretty much see in a Victoria’s Secret billboard at the bus stop.

I don’t even know where to begin with this fuckery. She’s asking for HOW MUCH? Not even the top celebs in their heyday asked for that kind of money. And now, during a recession no less, she’s asking for half a million dollars for some lame pics? Playboy barely can recoup it’s investment with every issue because of lowered advertising revenue and dwindling sales and she has the gall to demand that amount? I mean, outside of the viewers of The Hills, no one knows who the fuck she is. And if they do manage to go “Oh, yeah I’ve heard of her”, they really don’t care enough to see her naked. It’s not like she’s a world-wide star who is instantly recognizable. I still mistake her for Cher.

And what is up with this whole “tastefully undressed” shit? What is the point of being in Playboy if you’re not going to at least show nipple. I can understand the reservations about showing labia, but tits are like the minimum requirement for appearing in Playboy. It’s an ADULT MEN’S MAGAZINE. Guys whack off to the pictures inside. It’s not a place to be modest. So either you strip for it or you don’t do it. Simple as that.

I do hope The Hef has more sense that to agree with this. He’ll defnitely get the raw end of the deal if he agrees to these crappy terms. But knowing that there are a lot of people out there who would love to see this happen, he just might say yes. Which will be the downfall of Playboy, if you ask me. They’ll never recover from this debacle. Ever. Hef and Co. should just stick to small town college girls or down-on-their luck celebs to feature in the magazine. They would be more than willing to strip naked for a chance to be a part of Playboy. And charge a lot less money at that. Kinda like the skanky Hollywood celebs you’ll find here. Eager and willing to do anything to stay in the spotlight.

Shauna Sand continues to be a skank

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There are some things you can count on in this life. The sun will always rise. The government will always take your money. And Shauna Sand will always look like a two-dollar whore. Yup, that you can be sure of, no matter what. And her latest fashion foray is no exception.

Deciding to go out on the town for dinner, perhaps to show off her newest himbo boyfriend, Shauna hit the streets (an appropriate phrase) in basically an undergarment and covered (barely) it up with a tiny leather jacket. And to top off the ensemble is her trademark bleach blonde hair, cock-sucking lips, and plastic jugs jutting out of her see-through lace slip dress. Add piles of make-up to hide the plastic surgery scars and she’s good to go. And the guy dressed like a cheap-ass male prostitute next to her in a strange way completes the picture. You gotta admire the woman for going all out.

While this sort of outfit will look good on any of the Victoria’s Secret angels, it does look rather cheap and skanky when Shauna wears it. I’m convinced that she could make a ten thousand dollar haute couture Balenciaga gown look like something from Sluts-R-Us (which would most definitely be Shauna’s kind of place) only because of all the work done on her. Instead of doing things to improve the way you look, Shauna opted for the Slut package at the local plastic surgeons office complete with fuck-me-pumps and pink nail polish. So why am I even surprised that she dresses like this?

Well, for starters she dressed like this for dinner. At a restaurant. Where people go to unwind and get away from all the ugly things in the world. How would anyone have an appetite sitting next to this. And I’m sure the overpowering scent of her cheap perfume wouldn’t whet your appetite either. So I’m fairly certain that Shauna does live in her own private universe where she thinks everyone wants to get in her pants. When in truth, all people wanna do is laugh at her. Kinda like the celebs you’ll see here caught in embarassing and compromising positions.