Celebrity Poser

Whatever possessed Paris Hilton to think that this ensemble was in any way A: Fashion-forward, B: attractive or C: made any sort of sense must be the new psychotropic drug that makes you see things in a positive light, like thinking that Dane Cook is funny, Lily Allen has a good singing voice, or Teri Hatcher looks nothing like a witch. On my end, no amount of hallucinogens in the world would make me thing positive about this ensemble.

Sure, it’s eye-catching, but for all the wrong reasons. Take a black bikini, wrap some black string around it, accessorize with ugly bondage gear, and top with a completely ridiculous pair of sunglasses that look more like the front part of a space ship than fashionable eyewear. Why, pray tell, would anyone wear such an outfit? Because she’s Paris Hilton, that’s why. She lives in her own world where everything she does is important and she is at the center of the blogsphere. And yes, that is indeed true, but again it’s for all the wrong reasons.

Maybe if she spent a bit less time focusing on her fug-ass outfits and more on shedding a lot of that skank (not to mention getting rid of a butt-load of STDs that she’s probably riddled with) then maybe she’ll regain some of that hot fuckability that we all saw the first few times she entered our collective libido radar. I myself remember her to be this absolutely gorgeous creature who was so fresh and clean. I couldn’t get enough of her. I thought someone like her - a high-class heiress who grew up surrounded  by wealth, pomp and circumstance - would be way out of my league. Never in a million years would I get to screw anyone like her. Turns out, I have a good a shot as anybody!

So, I’m gonna push the image of this outfit aside and harken back to fonder memories, like when I first saw her sex tape and nutted like 15 times. You can see all those naughty Paris pics and vids here, as well as a lot of Hollywood hotties to fulfill your fantasies.

When you go out for a night on the town, one usually dresses to the nines. But when you’re fame-hungry, talentless, and skanky Tila Tequila, that means the exact opposite. You dress down. Really down. To your underwear.

Yes, you heard me right. The plastic boobed one (or rather, two since there are two of them) thought to herself “Hey, it’s been a while since those bored bloggers with nothing better to do than to follow the exploits of famous people like me has written anything about me in their blogs. I know! I’ll step out tonight, wearing a sexy black blazer, and then as the paparazzi descends — surprise! I’m not wearing a dress! It’s perfect!! They’re gonna have a field day tearing me apart for this publicity stunt!”

And sad to say, she’s right.

What can I do but react? Granted she’s hot. However fake those tits are, they’re still attached to an awesome hard body. Plus she’s so tiny you could spin her around while she’s on top of you. Then there’s also the whole lesbian thing which just fucking gets me hard. How can you not react to someone like her, no matter how blatantly obvious her attention-whoring is.

So for now, I won’t say anything else that hasn’t already been said about these pics. I’m sure you’ve heard a million little quips about her, so I won’t even bother making one here. I’ll just take these pics and file them with the hundred others of Tila that just add to her being one of the most embarassing yet totally fuckable celebs this side of the Z-list. You can see those pics, along with a bunch of others, over here.

http://90dayjane.blogspot.com/

“I’m Going to Kill MySelf in 90 Days”

This is Jane, she’s plans on killing herself, and she’s going to do it in 90 days.

She’s also going to blog about her suicide everyday until the 90 days are up. Happy Valentines Day everyone.