The woman who looked like she ate the marshmallow man is coming to a stage near you. Well, if you happen to live in London’s West End that is. Yes, Mariah Carey, the woman who is single-handedly responsible for the Hello Kitty shortage in the world is headed for the stage. Yes, you read that right. And we’re not talking Glitter: The Musical here. No no, she will be appearing in a legitimate West End play that she will be paid £15,000 a week for. That’s about 24,000 in US dollars. Chump change for Mimi, right? That’s probably how much she pays for shampoo in a week, maybe. So I guess she must really want this. And in London, no less?

Apparently, Mimi has always wanted to act on the stage. While in the UK promoting her new single, she talked to several stage producers about appearing in one of the local productions According to the Mirror UK, “Mariah has always wanted to star in a play so this really is a dream come true.” And get this - it was the producers of the yet-to-be-disclosed play that asked her to be in their production! “She was hugely flattered to have been asked and is determined to nail the part… she is pretty confident in her own abilities. Mariah’s done a bit of acting in her time but nothing on this scale.” And by scale, they’re not talking about her ever-expanding waistline. Or her boobs.

I’m guessing none of those producers has seen any of Mariah’s attempts at acting. Forget Glitter, how about her cameo in The Bachelor? Or the direct-to-video Wise Girls? Heck, you don’t even have to watch those movies for fear of losing your sanity, just watch some of her music videos where she attempts to act, like Honey or Heartbreaker. Camp to the M-A-X. But then again, maybe we’re jumping the gun here. We don’t even know what the production is. For all we know, the role is a self-obsessed, narcissistic, overly annoying perfectionist drag queen. In which case, she’d be playing herself. Except for the drag queen part. Although, I’m not really sure about that one either. 40 years old and never pregnant? Just sayin’… So we’ll be looking forward to this sure-to-be-atrocity on the London stage. Expect really old men who were alive during the time of Shakespeare to be picketing against this travesty to the theater outside on opening night. But again, she could prove us all wrong. After all, when Mimi sets her mind on something, she gets it done. See your favorite Hollywood stars get determined to get you hard right here.