Celebrity Poser

Just because she considers herself to be a bona-fide country singer, that doesn’t mean Jessica Simpson can wolf down all the deep-fried food she wants. Judging by these photos takes at the 99.9 KISS Country Chili Cookoff, she looks like she everything (and everyone) in sight. Is she going for Dolly Parton territory? Well, I wouldn’t be surprised if she is, considering he career’s pretty much been a copy of everyone else. But seriously, she’s gotta lay off the cornbread and focus more on her career, considering she almost doesn’t have one anymore. Her “country” effort was modest at best. Her last few films haven’t done well at the box-office (as evidenced by the theatrical flop Blonde Ambition) and now it seems she’s about to lose her sex-symbol status. Well, I’m sure a lot of you like ‘em with a little meat on their bones and would take Jessica any way, shape or form, but for someone like her who’s teetering on the edge of has-beendom, the least she could do is hang on to her body. Well, maybe it’s just a phase. Perhaps when she finally sees these pictures, she’ll think twice about eating that slice of blueberry pie.

Maybe it’s her rumored engagement with that football player that’s making her so happy and so oblivious to the weight gain. Although, there’s no set date yet and that the engagement is only “on it’s way”. Perhaps it’s the anticipation of the big event, or the pressure of not knowing if he’s gonna pop the big question that’s making her stress-eat. I just hope she hasn’t bought her wedding dress yet.

In the meantime, you’ll be able to reminisce about the sexy Jessica by picking up her direct-to-dvd film, the ironically titled Major Movie Star. Or save the agony of sitting through her “acting” and head on over to this site to see some other steamy stuff from Jess!

Lindsay Lohan has had it tough. Actually, to say that would be a total understatement, wouldn’t it? Broke, dumped, washed-up, addicted… all the bad things that could happen to a Hollywood celebrity happened to her. And since she started out as a child performer, it happened to her way too soon. Blame the media if you will, but many child actors have turned out okay as grown-ups. It seems that those Hollywood horror stories about young actors in a downward spiral now has a face. Look up the phrase “Hollywood Casualty” in the encyclopedia and you’d likely see a picture of Lindsay right beside the entry. And now, to add another punchline to the joke that has become her life, LiLo has a new nickname – Dirty Girl. And we’re not just talking about her bout of snatch-eating or her embarrassing post drink binge walk to her car, I’m talking about real dirt and grime and mess in the place where she lives. Here’s the lowdown:

Police responded to a burglar alert at the Hollywood home of Lindsay, but when they got there there were no perps in sight. After the popo entered the premises, they saw the whole place was in disarray. The cops suspected the burglars were responsible for the mess, but upon further investigation discovered the mess to be not so recent. Basically the apartment has been like that for quite some time now. Which only means one thing – Lindsay likes to roll around in her own filth. You know, the way pigs do. Or hermits. After all, she’s too coked up out of her mind to, well, mind the mess around her. She probably enjoys frolicking with the dust bunnies, playing tag with the cockroaches, and constantly puts out food for the rats that infest her pad. After all, them outcasts need to stick together.

Meanwhile, Lindsay is doing her best to get back on the A-list horse by doing a small independent feature that may or may not require her to get naked. She’s set to star in the film The Other Side with fellow z-listers Woody Harrelson, Giovanni Ribisi, and rock singers Dave Matthews and Alanis Morissette. I know, this has got to be the strangest acting line-up in a movie ever. All that’s missing is Ed Asner and Joan Severance and you’ve got yourself a blockbuster. Expect this movie to hit big screens in 2010, or if it’ll succumb to the same fate as LiLo last movie Labor Pains, it’ll go straight to TV. I’m sure the Syfy channel will be very interested. And if you’re interested in seeing more of Lindsay and her many celeb blunders, head on over here.

We’ve seen the pictures. We’ve hard the stories. But what exactly did happen to British glamour model and former Miss Great Britain Danielle Lloyd on that night that she ended up bloody, bruised, lying on the pavement, and ruched to the hospital for emergency surgery? Well, from what I’ve gathered, I’ll try to piece together the events that led to a very frightening image of one of the sexiest and most beautiful British celebs this day and age.

At around 10 that night, Danielle and boyfriend, futball player Jamie O’Hara were seen entering the Crystal nightclub, and witnesses claimed that Danielle was acting all haughty and above everyone else, especially since she’s on the arm of a £9,000-a-week footballer. As soon as she entered the bar, all eyes were on them, and pretty soon, dirty looks were being thrown their way. Shortly after, one woman couldn’t take the bitchiness coming from Danielle and decided to do something about. The two started arguing at first, then proceeded to shove each other until the unnamed woman pushed Danielle onto a table full of glasses and bottles which broke under her and eventually cut into her leg. Things started to get panicky and Danielle was carried outside of the club and laid on the pavement while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. Clearly distraught, both Lloyd and boyfriend were rushed to the emergency room as soon as the ambulance arrived where they proceeded to administer over 20 stitches to Danielle’s cut leg to stop the strong bleeding.

Days after the event, everything seems to be fine with Danielle. Despite the scare of almost having her leg cut off because of the massive amounts of blood she lost, there wasn’t anything else to be worried about. I’m just happy all her appendages are still intact. It would have been a shame to lose that leg. Or scar that face. Or (heaven forbid!) those tits! They’re practically her bread and butter and she must have protected them to the death! The moral of the story: never act like you’re the shit because someone out there might not agree with you and cut a bitch. No one is immune from the crazies of the world, so it’s best to be on your best behavior all the time. Let’s wait and see if there will be more to this story in the next coming days. For now, check out some not-so-harrowing pics of Danielle and other sexy celebs right here.

Now that she’s got the whole delusions of movie success out of her head, fatty Jessica Simpson is heading back to the small screen that made her famous in the first place. And before you start thinking she’ll be starring in a reality show based on her soaring weight gain and plummeting music and film career, think again. No. The idiotic blonde is set to star in the reality/documentary called The Price of Beauty, a program that features Jess going around the world and discovering the many shocking things women would do to make themselves beautiful. Basically every single Oprah episode on make-overs condensed into one frenetically-edited set to crappy pop music reality show featuring one of the widest asses in Hollywood today.

It’s still pretty unclear if Jess will shed the poundage before taking on the TV hosting duties, but what is clear is that she will apparently attempt some of the extreme beauty regimens she discovers herself. So it’s kinda like a cross between The Swan and Fear Factor with a bit of Animal Planet thrown in. You know, because the women would be dogs before their regimens and hot chicks after. Details are still under wraps about what exactly the show will contain, but one thing is for sure, you’re gonna have to sit through Jessica’s annoying nasal faux-Southern accent for 40 minutes every week while watching rich and deluded skanks nip, tuck, staple, stretch, exfoliate, and make-over themselves for the sake of vanity. I can’t think of a more exciting show to see.

In all seriousness, why is this woman still working? Scratch that. Why is this woman still relevant? It seems like since she debuted her hefty figure months ago, people have been clamoring for her disappearance. Yet the media still seems to embrace this Jabba. Vanity Fair covers (still not over that one), constant press coverage, and in-depth coverage of her attempts at weight loss are rampant on both TV and the net, and we just sit here and roll our eyes at this awfulness. It’s about time that we, as bloggers, come together and just basically ignore her to get it in her head that WE DON’T WANT TO SEE HER ANYMORE! But unfortunately, a lot of people still wanna see her. She has, after all, become the poster girl for hick-town middle America. You know, those women who waddle through the mall wearing the tiniest clothes and thinking their the shit, when in actuality they’re fat tubs of lard that should never be allowed out of the house. It’s people like Jessica that make fat people delusional. And delusion leads to the most embarassing situations. Kinda like the situations you’ll find right here.

Even though we’ve pretty much seen her tits with her numerous nipslips and see-throughs, Lindsay Lohan may finally do the thing that all down-and-out, still-struggling-to-hold-on-to-their-career, desperate-to-still-be-relevant actress do: go topless. Because of her financial and celebrity troubles (and the fact that no film studio will touch her with a ten foot pole) LiLo might do a little bit of on-stage stripping to make ends meet. Sounds like the plot to some shitty movie where we’re supposed to feel sorry for strippers, right? Sure it does, but in this case it’s real. And it’s with Lindsey. Which, to be perfectly honest, is actually sadder.

But not to worry. We’re not talking about some skany Vegas strip joint with a bouncer named Bubba and strippers named Candi, Tiffani, Amber, and the like. We’re talking about the huge Vegas extravaganza called Peepshow currently starring General Hospital actress Kelly Monaco and Spice Girl Melanie B that had a splashy, star-studded opening recently. LiLo attended one of the performances and supposedly liked what she saw. And I’m not talking about the topless dancers, as she may or may not have turned her back on carpet-munching. She liked the performance so much that she supposedly talked with one of the producers of the show about possibly joining them on their next run.

Wow, first rumors of porn, and now a topless Vegas strip show? Lindsay is really at the end of her rapidly fraying rope. Two things concern me now. One: she should have done this years ago, when her jugs were still pert and bouncy, instead of saggy and limp like they are now. Two: how low has your career gone when the only job you can get is replacing Kelly Monaco or Mel B? Sad sad state of affairs indeed. But, at least for all of you horny young men out there (this guy included), the sight of live Lindsay boobage is something I would definitely pay good money to see. But while waiting for that to may or may not happen, see some other LiLo boobage and other hot Hollywood racks and asses right here.

I know that the French are pretty open and free about nakedness and such, but trust actress Charlotte Gainsbourg to drive that point to it’s limit. The Cannes award-winning acclaimed French actress was photographed on the beaches of France as she takes a leisurely swim in between premieres and galas of the festival. Wading through the blue waters of the Mediterranean, she got tired of the black bikini she was wearing, got out of the water, and decided to change into a white one. Not under a towel. Not in a tent. But right there, on the beach, for everyone to see. I love it! Goes to show how liberated the French are with their bodies. Didn’t matter of there was someone to see her small titties and full bush. Didn’t matter if her ass was mooning all the passers by. Nope, she wanted to change and she did it.

I wonder if she does the same thing in malls? Can you imagine her just going up to a sales person in the lingerie department, picks out a bra and panties, and strips right there in the middle of the display section and tries them on. If the store was in France, that’ll probably happen. French women all walk around naked there. You could be eating at a restaurant and the table next to you are all nude women. Enjoying their lunch, sipping their sodas. Just hanging around in the buff. Don’t believe me? Go over there and find out for yourself!

It just goes to show how wide the modesty gap is between Europeans and the rest of the world. After all, most of the “controversial” works in music, television, film, and art come from Europe. I don’t exactly know why that is - I only minored in Historical Sociology - so I can’t really say why that is. All I know is that things like this happen all the time there. Especially for Charlotte, who gets naked in almost every movie she’s in. Even in her upcoming film, the disturbing Lars Von Trier horror suspense Anti-christ, she supposedly has some pretty intense sex scenes. That’s a good thing. The bad? They’re with co-star Willem Dafoe. Last time we saw him do some intense on-screen lovemaking was with Madonna in Body Of Evidence. Something tells me his scenes in Anti-christ would be just as disturbing. Even more disturbing and embarassing Hollywood scandals await you here.

What started out as an exciting team-up is now turning into one big bitch fest over on the set of Iron Man 2. The summer blockbuster has been getting a lot of on-set buzz because of it’s two lead female stars. Gwyneth Paltrow who is reprising her role as Pepper Potts is rumored to be cold and unfeeling towards the Black Widow herself Scarlett Johansson. Apparently GOOP has a little bit of an ego problem as she seems to be resenting the attention (both from the press and the crew) that ScarJo has been getting (and continues to get) as the sexy and seductive villain in next year’s blockbuster. She seems to be jealous of everything from the director’s attention down to the tight-fitting attention-grabbing costumes Scarlett has to wear for the role. Since Pepper is more of a behind-the-scenes kind of gal, GOOP is always clad in no-nonsense business suits and cocktail dresses while ScarJo gets to look like pretty much a whore everyday. And Gwynnie doesn’t like it one little bit.

This isn’t the only controversy surrounding the sequel. Aside from the cast change from Terrence Howard to Don Cheadle in the role of Jim Rhodes (aka War machine), Scarlett herself was only the second choice to play Black Widow. The Devil Wears Prada’s Emily Blunt was originally cast in the role but had to back out due to scheduling conflicts. Another thing that GOOP seemed to be pissed about. She was looking forward to working with the British actress, stating that she and her have more in common than she and Scarlett. Says a source close to the star “They come from different worlds and have completely different styles. Gwyneth has found Scarlett very demanding of the attention of the crew. It’s not a happy set. Gwyneth was looking forward to working with Emily Blunt, who was originally in line for the part, but it ended up being Scarlett. Gwyneth’s had to live with that and she has been very professional, but she and Scarlett haven’t developed a friendship on the shoot, which is almost at the half way point. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.”

All of a sudden I’m interested in this movie for completely different reasons now. I know that these two hot babes are professional actresses and wouldn’t do anythihng to endager the shoot, but the premiere night and the press junkets will be an entirely different scene altogether. I can just imagine them being forced together – light and dark – for promotional shoots and press junkets. Let’s hope that all the animosity or ignoring would cease by the time the shoot is over. But at the same time, I’ll be waiting with bated breath for little euphemisms and innuendos that the two will surely have for each other. Meanwhile, drop on by here to see some more celebs in not-so-nice moments caught on camera.

What would you do if you were at a swanky soiree, you sitting on an expensive white fur sofa sipping expensive champagne and nibbling on delectable hors d’œuvres chatting with learned guests about the works of Heidegger and the latest Buñuel exhibit at the Guggenheim while the soft gentle strains of Chet Baker fill the room, and you turn and see a skinny, skanky-looking woman with her legs up in the air straddling some guy who is basically groping her ass to keep her from falling on it. You’d be shocked, right? Now, imagine you discover the woman is walking biohazard Paris Hilton and the man is her boy-of-the-moment human peen-head Doug Reinhardt. You probably wouldn’t be so shocked. Not because she’s a “celebrity”, but because you wouldn’t expect anything less from the tabloid and blogsphere denizen.

Yes, once again the skank and the dick caused quite a stir when they went out a few nights ago and I guess since it was a pretty high-end event and smart, eloquent people were populating the party making things pretty boring for the two idiots, they got bored. So bored in fact that Paris decided to perform an impromptu lapdance for Doug, and I guess all the other people at the party. Thinking that she’s the hottest shit since Cheez Whiz she went ahead and did the full on legs in the air, gyrations, and faux-stripping. Classy. And being the lapdog that he is, Doug was more than eager to take the show in.

See, this is exactly why Paris gets thrown out of every event she attends. Just a few days ago, she was reported to have been thrown off a yacht owned by Elton John’s lover David Furnish because of tonsil hockey in front of disgusted guests. Some time back, she was banned entry into a club because of her previous hard partying. And even before that, she was asked to leave a swanky party because the host did not care for her shenanigans. Why does she even bother to leave the house in the first place? Does she actually believe in the adage “bad publicity is good publicity”? In Paris’ case, it clearly isn’t. She should’ve gotten her fill of bad press by now. But for a fame-hungry whore like her, there’s no such thing as “enough”. See more of that bad behavior from Paris and more of your favorite stars right here.

I believe something has to qualify as news when it’s something that not a lot of people know about. Like the cause of that swine flu. Or that Oprah Winfrey carries nickels. So when pop-rock singer Alecia Moore a.k.a. Pink announces that she’s a bisexual, it kind of makes you go “And?” doesn’t it. Well, apparently to separate her Funhouse tour from Britney’s equally-themed Circus concert show, she decided to open up her fan base to lesbians. Not that they weren’t supporters to begin with. Speculation of Pink’s sexuality has been rampant since she burst through the music scene years ago as an R&B artist. Since then, her many tattoos and buff bod have been cause for wonderingment from fans and non-fans alike. Well, now she has officially come out (of the closet?) in an interview with the UK’s News Of The World paper as a bisexual.

The singer, who is currently in Europe for a series of shows tells the daily “Love is pure and I try to keep it that way. This is who I am, what I feel. I think it’s unnecessary to draw the subject out, but I think it even more stupid not to discuss it. It seems as if bisexuality is a trend and I should whip up the masses. Well, I don’t believe in trends, I just believe in me.” In the past when asked about being gay or bi or have had experience with the same sex, Pink would reply “I’m not gay so I guess I would not try a relationship with a woman.” But now she’s singing a different tune by saying “My love knows no colour, no gender, no fuss.” I guess now that she’s sold over 34 million albums worldwide, she’s more open to the idea of, well… being open. Plus it doesn’t hurt that she’s now back in the arms of her former husband Carey Hart to give her support from any probable backlash.

So I guess that’s another one for the team. Team lesbo-turned-straight-turned-bi-turned-whatever. She should just joing a singing group with Lindsay Lohan, Melanie Chisolm, and throw in Anne Heche for good measure. With all these flip-flopping celebrities no wonder the youth of the world are screrwed up. These are their role models! While the idea of bisexuality can be a turn on in your 20s, by the time you get to 30 and beyond, or hell, anytime you’re thinking about settling down at any age, being bi is just an excuse for not choosing a side. Plus there’s nothing more depressing than a 50-year-old bisexual. But since these sluts have gone and decided to play for the hetero team, I guess most of their girl-on-girl exploits are just in the domain of threesomes with their significant others. Let’s just hope those guys are smart enough to videotape these exploits for the rest of us. Kinda like all the pics and videos you’ll find here, stuff that no celeb ever wants you to see.

Back in 1992, a little film about a high school cheerleader who wakes up one day and gets the power to battle the undead unspooled in theaters to disappointing results. In 1997, that box-office flop was adapted into a TV series that not only became a huge ratings gainer, but had received critical acclaim and garnered many awards and praises. It was so successful in fact, that it even spawned a spin-off series. The show ended after 7 seasons and has been rumored to be returning to the big screen from whence it originated ever since. Now, the show that made carrying a wooden stake in your purse cool is being brought back into theaters in a new and updated way. I, of course am talking about Buffy The Vampire Slayer. And it’s lead actress Sarah Michelle Gellar will not be a part of it.

Yup, the role that made her a household name will go on without her thereby dashing any hopes of a box-office success for her since The Grudge. And SMG isn’t the only one to not be involved in the project. Original scribe and series creator Joss Whedon won’t be involved either. The project is being spearheaded by the movie version’s original director and producer Fran Rubel Kuzui and Kaz Kuzui who were the one’s who bought the original script by a then unknown Whedon and own the license of the franchise to this day. They are basically planning a reboot (ala the Batman franchise) which will take the character into new, darker, more epic directions. So one question remains: Who will play Buffy?

Since the project is still in the starting stages, word hasn’t gotten around Hollywood yet. But knowing the PR and agent machines in Tinseltown, a lot of up and coming young actresses will be crawling over each other to get the part. Wouldn’t matter if the script sucked or if the direction was weak (didn’t stop then hot property Kristy Swanson from doing the original) they would jump at the chance to be compared to SMG’s wooden acting abilities. But if the producers need casting choices, just tune in to the CW any night of the week and take your pick of young nubile Hollywood ingenues who would even suck some peen to get the part. How’d you think they ended up on the CW in the first place? See all the sleazy sides of stardom right here.